[LegalEagle]

I need some advice here. I am in a serious, committed relationship with a young woman who I am considering asking to be my bride. I hold my CCW Permit for Missouri...she is terrified of weapons to the point where she has said she refuses to live in a home where there is a weapon and that she cannot (instead of will not) compromise on this issue.

I'm sure this question has been raised a thousand times before, but I'd still like some input.

She refuses to come to the range with me to begin the process of overcoming her fears.

She refuses to consider having the gun in a safe (unloaded, ammo separate, disassembled, etc. No possible permutations on that thought).

She refuses to consider a gun-safe in an external garage or something of that sort.

The only possible solution she would consider is storing the weapon at the range (or something similar) so that I can target shoot but that its not in/near the house.

She has not given any REASONS why she's so terrified (and she believes that she shouldn't have to give a reason; she simply hates them and that is the end of the discussion). Without knowing her reasons, I cannot assess her fears and try to help her overcome them.

So basically....advice? Do I wait it out and hope she'll soften? Do I sacrifice my desire/ability to protect myself and my family to make her happy? Do I give up a hobby and sport that I enjoy? Do I tell her "Deal with it. If you love me, you'll learn to be okay with it?".

Likely-To-Be-Gunless-In-Saint-Lous,
The Legal Eagle

 

[1gsplover]

If you marry :lol: this woman, please turn in your Man Card to Executive Director, NRA.
And seriously consider a vasectomy BEFORE the wedding.
///olde :evil: grumpy///

 

[Pat T]

IMHO she's laid it out for you: it's her or the guns. Don't marry her expecting that she'll change her mind, she probably won't and you'll both end up fighting and probably divorced if you go into this with that hope in mind. You just have to decide which you can't live without. No jugdements from me here, just facing the facts. Good luck.

 

[PatAz]

I can't see anythig good coming out of this relationship, sorry.

 

[uglydog]

Pat T gave some great advice, I personally am thrown off by the absolute refusal to discuss her reasonings in any, way, form, shape, or manner. Having been in a similar situation (fortunately not married), these absolutes occurred again and again down the line. Once I gave in, they kept on coming until I said, "Enough" and stated a few absolutes of my own. We soon parted ways. It may not be this way for you but anyone who wishes to impose their will on another person is such an absolute fashion with no discussion of the reasoning seems to be more than a little selfish and immature to me. I personally would start on a weekly trip to the range and ask her to attend with me each time. She can then decide if she wants to mantain the relationship or not knowing this is something that is a part of YOU that she must come to terms with.

 

[Blamm-O]

My thoughts? I'm not surprised by the situation. Women are sometimes tough to understand, they get an idea in their head, and stick to it, no matter what the reasoning. It might not be about guns at all...might just be an idea she's got, and won't let it go. I'm sure we've all seen this with a hundred other things.

Nothing is ever easy...I just got married last week, and I guess I now have another thing to be lucky about in the fact that my new bride understands my collection and hobby, and what makes me happy. If I'm happy, she's happy, and vice versa...guns make me happy.

Good luck.

 

[dondavis3]

+1 Pat T

You've got a big problem.

If she wont even talk about it so that you can show her that it is your responsibility to protect her / yourself / property / kids/ ect. then she's pretty well has told you to it's her way or the highway.

By the way if she is this way now and on this subject - you'll only see more of this type of behavior after you're married on many subjects.

It will only get worse not better with time.

Sorry for the bad news.

 

[WDBradley]

LegalEagle,
I think I remember you from another forum.

Best advise is pre marital counciling or honest conversation. Either work the issue out or if the issues are not something you can work out I expect there are several other issues that also are much the same.

Seems like you often post problomatic issues that are difficult to give a reasonable answer to and expect/feed on the expected answer.

 

[FreedomMom]

I had a friend who was TERRIFIED of guns. Her hubby is a Marine and she made him get rid of all his guns before they got married. She wouldn't even look at pictures of him deployed with his service firearms. (He's regretted his decision ever since because he's constantly asking her if he can get one now!) She went 'shooting' air rifles with her son for Boy Scouts and soon called me wanting to know more about 'real' guns. So we took her to the range and started with a .22 rifle (less likely to miss-handle as it was stationary on a table), then to single action revolver .22, and finally a semi-auto .22 pistol. She really felt empowered by the experience and much more at ease with guns in general. If you ever get to take her shooting don't give her anything bigger than a .22!!!!! And don't take her to an indoor range...your luck some guy will start shooting a cannon in the lane next to you and really give your GF a panic attack!

If you can get her to walk into a gun store or training class have her talk to some of the 'pros' there. Especially if you can find another woman who can talk to her about protecting her family!

That being said, as a woman I don't understand not wanting to protect my family (or at the very least having my husband protect our family) from dangerous intruders. After I had kids was when I wanted a shotgun for home defense! Didn't think about it much before, but when the baby got here...boy did I want to protect it! (having grown up with guns it was an easy choice for me)

Does your GF know the average response time for a 911 call? I think I read somewhere like 11 minutes!!! Does she realize what could happen to her or her kids in 11 minutes while the police are trying to find your house? Or longer if you live in a rural area.

http://www.gunrabbi.com/index.php/compo ... 8-911-call

Anyway, you've gotten a lot of good advice here. The best is to not give up your guns and for heaven sake-NOT your CCW permit and marry a REAL WOMAN who wants a man to protect her and her family. If she's so unreasonable with this, likely hood is 100% she will be unreasonable in just about every other thing she wants/doesn't want.


-FreedomMom

 

[toyrfun]

if shes this way with guns whats next?

also, if she wont give you an reason why and you cave in now, im sure it will happen the next time and the next.

you can only do so much and then the rest is up to her. all you can do is to be there if she decides to confide in you.

btw, since you plan on marrying this woman, she should realize that having some trust/confidence in the partner is required?

also, its a good thing you found out now instead of after the knot is tied.

good luck.

 

[drsfmd]

Find another woman... she's drawn the line in the sand.

 

[SnakeDriver]

Im still trying to get through the "committed relationship" with this woman
you have invested a lot of time when you already knew the outcome.

 

[taurusp3]

The answer is so simple, and you already know it.

 

[SnakeDriver]

"p**** *****d"

If I remember that is what we called it!

 

[1gsplover]

I just turned 66 years... why did we call it P.W. and I cannot even remember how P.W. felt!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
///Olde :shock: Droopy///

 

[LocknLoad]

You have gotten some great advice here, and I will just pass on what worked for me. My spouse wasn't a rabid gun hater, but she grew up in the city with no positive exposure to guns of any type, and I am one that can't stand cities (I have corrupted her since then...LOL....we now live in a town of 500 that is a half hour drive to Walmart).

Anyway, when we first met, she had no interest in them, and I got the eyeroll when I came home with a box of shells. What worked for me was to slowly introduce her to them (like the adage about boiling a frog). I started by picking up an Airsoft rifle and a couple knockdown targets and got her to try them with me in the back yard. She tried it since they weren't "real" guns, and got excited when she got to knocking them down. Then, I took her to a range on a slow day and let her try the .22, and that helped too. In her case it wasn't that she hated them, she just was scared because of what society had taught her. Today, I pity the robber that comes in the house, as she has decided that her weapon of choice is the 12 ga with 00 buck to center of mass.....God, I love that woman....LOL

Anyway, your girl sounds like a gun hater, so it will be harder to reach her. Here is what I would try. Is there anything that she really enjoys? Any hobby? If so, no matter how irrational, tell her that you really can't stand "x" and you don't want it in your house and are afraid to be around it. Doesn't matter if it is shopping or needlepoint. When she says that is unreasonable, ask her why she enjoys that, and allow her to lay out what she enjoys about it. When she is finished, explain what you enjoy about shooting.

You also mentioned you have a CCW. Congratulations on exercising your rights. However, take a step back and think about how you approach this. Since she isn't a gun fan, are you giving her the vibe that you think of yourself as John MacClane, or does she know that you carry because you love her and want to keep her safe? Just some food for thought. For people like you and I the sound of a slide racking gets the blood pumping, but it may terrorize her. If you have a mutual friend in law enforcement (especially a female LEO), it may help if she takes her out for coffee and to explain to her that the police cannot keep you safe. Realistically, all they can do is clean up the mess, even if they think someone might do something.

I rambled way to much, but I hope there was something worthwhile here for you. :lol: