Hey Mr rbts.
It is good to know there is another good guy out there practicing and shooting and asking questions.
I believe you are interested in firearms for self and home defense from reading your post.
If so and remember this is only my humble opinion. Although I have been an active instructor for LE and civilian for many years. Others will have more to add but I will try to give you a beginning opinion at least.
First I don't believe self defense and home defense are fought with the same firearm.
And I want to be very clear in that my first and foremost lesson would be to advise you to work on awareness and avoidance. If you become very good at both of these disciplines you will seldom have to use or choose a tool to defend your home or yourself. Learn how to harden your perimeters to make it look so difficult for a potential bad guy to approach you or your home that they choose the other guy. I mean this with all my heart.
In 35 years of teaching self and home defense this has been my corner stone and it seems to work as I have been made aware of less than a dozen of my students to date who have had to use a tool to defend themselves and their families.
Now having said that.
For home defense there is no substitute for a good shotgun and when choosing keep it simple. It does not have to be a 12 ga and it should be something your wife can and will willingly pick up and participate in your training with you.
For self defense (carry) again this is a very personal choice matter and what works for me will not work best for you.
You are right, a gun with a red dot scope is not a gun to carry and expect under duress to be able to get it out and into action with any modicum of speed or dexterity.
If you have a range in your area with a rental program, I would sugggest you go there and talk to the instructors or sales people, (remember they are sales people) and get some ideas of what they have and if you are at a complete loss then find out what your local law enforcement is using. But ask questions and remember what works for them is only a reference to you until you have been able to try the actual guns.
The types and models of handguns are legion and most if they are top of the line manuf are good to go with. But you need to find one that fits you and your needs. Look at your geographical location the walls of your home the proximity of your walls to others in your neighborhood, your physical stature etc.
To begin with, a good 22 cal pistol is great for learning how to shoot and to become familiar with a handgun inexpensively.
Good 22s can be had in revolver or auto and are a lot of fun to shoot. When you are ready and have some experience you can transition very easily and smoothly to any caliber or type of gun with ease and confidence.
Also don't let people tell you that a 22 isn't enough "stopping" power.
It will cause enough pain and discomfort to do the job in most circumstances. The key is to get good and to stay good and a good 22 will help you do both at a much reduced cost of operation. A 22 is the most accurate of all calibers in handgun under any circumstances and will do just fine in an outright emergency.
Open sights are the best for self defense and if or when you transfer to a bigger gun (cal) then perhaps a trijican front sight added.
I will not go beyond this for now but if you have more questions give me a pm and I will always try to help.
I hope this is of some enlightenment without using too much time or space on the forum. :wink:
UF