I'm approaching this as a former gun dealer.
When I read your original post I kept reading "I want a semi auto . . ." and "I want something to hold 10 rounds . . . " I don't mean to offend you, but this is the wrong approach to getting your daughter a handgun. I have seen too many frustrated men trying to buy a gun for their wives, daughters, girl friends, who are trying to buy what is best for them, and not what was best for the intended shooter. I've seen men get mad when their wives could not work the slide. Easy for them, but their female "other" didn't have the arm strength or technique to work the slide. Now the woman is getting frustrated and angry. Sir, you should let your daughter handle and shoot different guns, including revolvers, to see what is comfortable in her hand, and what she can shoot the best.
As UncleFudd said, automatics are pretty dependable today. I carry a Glock. However, an auto can still jam. Does she have the "cool" to clear a jam in a life threatening situation? Why 10 rounds as a minimum? Most gunfights have less than 3 shots fired, total. Real life situations are not like the movies and TV. High cap guns are fine for TV cops going up against 20 drug dealers at once, but this doesn't happen in real life. Most folks are well covered with a 5 or 6 shot revolver. What is comfortable in her hand? Maybe a revolver grip, which can be changed to suit her, is better (wood, rubber, finger grooves, no groves, etc.). It doesn't have to have a magazine running through the center of it. No magazines to load or have problems with, it's all one piece. Men take this stuff for granted, especially someone who has been shooting for years, but it can be a lot for a woman first starting out.
I'm not pushing revolvers, however, you should be open to this if she likes the feel of them over an automatic. You said you were open minded regarding caliber, so should you be on the type of weapon. You've been married long enough to know a woman is NOT going to practice with something she thinks is uncomfortable. Right? (You don't have to answer that out loud. :mrgreen: )
I would not be concerned over recoil. Most women know nothing about it, therefore, it is not a major factor. This may sound dumb, but my wife's firearm instructor told her to focus on the front sight, and that is what she did. She still carries the .357 that she learned on, 15 years later. She likes shooting my .45 Glock the best. She says she likes to "feel it go off" and she likes the "nice big holes." Paxton Quigley runs a firearms training school for women, and she said the favorite two guns her [female] students like the most are the Ruger GP100 (a .357 mag.) and the 1911 (.45 ACP). The guys that say get something small for the little lady don't know what they're talking about. Women can handle it. They have less to "unlearn" than the men when it comes to firearms.
9mm v .40 v 45 v .38 v .38+P etc., etc., etc. Every caliber has its fans. 99% of them have never had to shoot anyone, or has ever been shot. Bullet placement is the key. LEOs used the .38 Special effectively for about 70 years or so. Back then, however, they trained them to shoot. Six shots was enough. The military went to the 15 round Beretta so almost every law enforcement agency had to have them, too. Then the 9mm wasn't a good enough man-stopper, so they've gone to the .40. Now the military is looking at .45s again. They can do this dance forever. A .22 put in the right place will stop a man. Bigger is just better. More shock, bleeding, etc. Bullet placement is the key and always will be. So she has to practice, practice, practice. So make sure that she likes the gun -- not what you think is the best gun. If she likes the 5 shot Ruger SP101, then great -- let her get it. If she likes the Glock 23 the best -- great let her get it. Just let it be HER gun. She'll practice more and shoot better.
You might even want to start her on something like a Ruger Mk. II or III, or a Browning Buck Mark in .22 LR. Easy to shoot, inexpensive to practice with. .22 autos are always going to jam on occasion, so she will have practice clearing them. Lots of shooting time, not a lot of money. Then move on up to a centerfire caliber.
A K-frame S&W or Ruger SP101 is good because she can start out with .38s and then work up to .38+Ps and who knows, maybe .357s?
The new Ruger SR9 has a slim grip yet still holds 17 rounds of 9mm. The Ruger 345 also has a slim grip and has 8 rounds of .45 ACP.
The FBI went to .40 cal. Glocks, the 23 and the 22. Nothing has been tested and tortured as much as the Glocks, and they keep right on going. 50% fewer parts than a Beretta or Sig, therefore, less to go wrong. The G-men chose them for a good reason.
Bottom line: No one here can tell you what is the best gun to get. Give her educated advise, but let her decide.
Lots of things to think about. Good luck.
